How Do You Know If Someone Is Your Soulmate? Why It’s Less About Fate and More About Effort

Let’s be real—figuring out if someone is the one isn’t as simple as a Hollywood rom-com makes it seem. There’s no flashing neon sign, no magical moment where doves appear, and no background music that swells when you lock eyes. But that doesn’t mean soulmates aren’t real. The real question is: How do you actually know if someone is your soulmate?

If you’re looking for a checklist that says, Yep, they’re the one!, well… I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t quite work like that. However, there are some pretty solid signs that you’ve found someone who’s not just a great partner—but your person. Let’s dive in.

Let's be real first

Now, here’s something that might be a little controversial—what if soulmates, or at least the way we think about them, are kind of a myth? The idea that there’s one perfect person out there, waiting to complete you, can actually be pretty harmful. Real love isn’t about fate handing you your ideal match on a silver platter—it’s about two people making a choice, every single day, to grow together, to understand each other, and to put in the work when things get tough.

That doesn’t mean deep connections aren’t real. That doesn’t mean you can’t find someone who just gets you in a way no one else does. But even the strongest connections need nurturing. Love isn’t something that just magically lasts—it’s something you build. So while we’ll talk about signs that someone might be your soulmate, keep in mind that even the most incredible relationship won’t sustain itself without effort.

1. You Feel Completely Yourself Around Them

You know that feeling when you’re with someone, and you don’t have to filter yourself? No pretending, no second-guessing, no overanalyzing texts before you hit send. With your soulmate, there’s an effortless comfort. They see all the quirky, weird, unfiltered parts of you—and love you even more for them.

Ask Yourself: Do I feel safe, accepted, and at ease when I’m with them? Or do I feel like I have to “perform” in some way?

2. You Challenge Each Other (In a Good Way)

A soulmate isn’t just someone who agrees with you all the time. They push you to be better, not by criticizing, but by believing in your potential. They challenge your perspective, encourage your growth, and inspire you to become the best version of yourself.

Think About This: Have they helped me grow in ways I never expected? Do I do the same for them?

3. You Just Get Each Other

Ever had those moments where you finish each other’s sentences? Or where a single look between you says everything? Soulmate connections often have an unspoken understanding—like your minds are somehow tuned into the same frequency.

Soulmate Signal: You don’t always need words to communicate. Sometimes, a glance, a smirk, or even silence says it all.

4. They Feel Like Home

Not in a “We have the same zip code” kind of way, but in a deep, soul-level comfort kind of way. When life gets chaotic, when things fall apart, they’re the person you turn to. Their presence alone can calm the storm.

Ask Yourself: When I’m with them, do I feel at home—no matter where we are?

5. You Can Handle the Hard Stuff Together

Let’s be real: No relationship is sunshine and rainbows 24/7. The true test of a soulmate connection isn’t in the good times, but in the tough ones. Disagreements happen. Stress happens. Life happens. The key? You work through it together, with respect, love, and a genuine desire to understand each other.

Reality Check: It’s not about never fighting—it’s about how you fight and how you repair afterward.

6. You Share a Vision for the Future

Soulmates don’t just fit together in the present; they align when it comes to the future, too. You may not have identical dreams, but your paths run parallel. You see a life where you both can thrive—together.

Ask Yourself: Do our values and long-term goals align? Can we build a life together that makes us both happy?

7. You Love Them—Flaws and All

Nobody’s perfect. (Not even your soulmate.) But when you love someone deeply, their flaws don’t feel like deal-breakers. They’re just part of who they are. You accept them, quirks and all, and they do the same for you.

Reality Check: If you’re constantly hoping they’ll change, they might not be your soulmate—just someone you wish was.

8. You Make Each Other Laugh—A Lot

Laughter is the glue that keeps relationships strong. Soulmates share an unbreakable bond of humor, inside jokes, and those silly moments that no one else would understand.

Bonus Sign: If you can ugly cry in front of them and have them make you laugh five minutes later, that’s a soulmate-level connection.

9. The Timing Just… Works

Sometimes, you meet the right person at the wrong time. But when it’s your soulmate, things just have a way of falling into place. You don’t have to force it. You don’t have to fight against the current. Things flow naturally.

Truth Bomb: Right person, right time—it’s a thing. And when it happens, you know.

10. You’re Both Willing to Do the Work

Here’s the kicker: Even soulmates require effort. A strong, lasting connection isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about choosing them, every single day. And when both people are committed to growing, loving, and showing up for each other, that’s where the magic happens.

Soulmate Truth: It’s not always effortless, but it should always feel worth it.

So, Have You Found Your Soulmate?

Maybe you’re reading this and nodding along, thinking, Yep, that’s us. Or maybe you’re realizing that your current relationship isn’t quite checking all these boxes. Either way, remember: A soulmate isn’t about perfection. It’s about deep, undeniable connection.

And if you’re looking for a fun, meaningful way to explore your relationship even further, check out “Couples That Scribble Together Stay Together.” It’s a journal designed to spark deep conversations, laughter, and intimacy—because the best relationships aren’t just about feeling connected, but staying connected.

At the end of the day, soulmates aren’t just found. They’re built, nurtured, and chosen—every single day.