How to Reconnect with Your Partner (Without It Feeling Forced)

Life gets busy. One minute, my partner and I are binge-watching shows together, and the next, we’re basically co-existing like two ships passing in the night. Sound familiar? If you’re feeling a little disconnected from your partner, don’t stress—it happens to the best of us. But good news: there are plenty of ways to bring back the spark, and none of them involve cringe-worthy “we need to talk” moments.

Let’s get into it.

1. Figure Out What’s Up

Before I can fix something, I need to know what’s broken. I like to ask myself:

• Have we been spending enough actual time together (not just sitting next to each other scrolling)?

• Are life stressors (work, kids, stress, Netflix binges) getting in the way?

• Are we talking to each other, or just around each other?

Awareness is key. Once I spot what’s causing the emotional gap, I can actually do something about it.

2. Bring Back Quality Time (For Real, No Screens Allowed)

Quality time isn’t just date nights and candlelit dinners (although, hey, those are great too). It’s about intentional connection.

Here’s what I try:

• Tech-free time: Putting the phones down, making eye contact, and actually talking for at least 30 minutes a day.

• Doing something new together: Trying a salsa class, cooking a meal from scratch, or even just taking a different route on our daily walk.

• Weekly check-ins: No pressure, just a chill moment to ask, “How are we doing?” (Hint: over coffee or wine works best.)

3. Get Back to Deep Conversations

If our convos have been reduced to “Did you pay the bill?” and “What’s for dinner?” it’s time to shake things up.

One way? Guided questions.

My “Couples That Scribble Together Stay Together” workbook is packed with fun and meaningful prompts designed to help us talk about the real stuff (without it feeling like a therapy session). We answer separately, then share—like a mini love note exchange.

In the meantime, I like to ask:

• If we could relive one date, which would it be?

• What’s one little thing I do that makes you smile?

• What’s a dream we haven’t chased yet?

Sometimes, all it takes is the right question to bring us closer.

4. Don’t Forget the Power of Touch

Sometimes, reconnecting isn’t about words—it’s about touch.

• Holding hands when we’re out and about.

• Hugging for a little longer than usual.

• Giving a spontaneous back rub (bonus points if there’s no ulterior motive).

• Sitting closer instead of on opposite ends of the couch.

Touch is a silent but powerful way to say, “I’m here. I love you.”

5. Make Appreciation a Daily Habit

When was the last time I said, “I appreciate you”? Not just in my head, but out loud?

Here’s what I try:

• Leaving a sticky note with something sweet.

• Sending a text out of the blue saying, “Thinking of you.”

• Complimenting something specific (e.g., “You make the best coffee” or “Your laugh makes my day”).

Gratitude keeps love alive. The more I express it, the more it grows.

6. Bring Back the Fun (Because Love Shouldn’t Feel Like a Chore)

Reconnection doesn’t have to be deep and serious—it can be fun.

• Watching a comedy and laughing till we cry.

• Having a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen.

• Playing a ridiculous game (truth or dare, anyone?).

• Trying something totally out of our comfort zone together.

Love is built in the small, silly, everyday moments just as much as in the big ones.

7. Get Spicy (Yep, I’m Talking About That)

Let’s be real: intimacy is a big part of feeling connected. If things have felt a little routine, I like to shake them up!

• Planning a surprise date night with romance in mind.

• Trying something new together (yes, even that thing we’ve both been curious about).

• Reading a spicy book together (trust me, it’s a fun experiment).

Physical intimacy is a team effort, and a little creativity can go a long way.

8. When in Doubt, Get Help

Sometimes, I try all the things and still feel stuck. And that’s okay! Therapy or relationship coaching can offer fresh perspectives and guidance.

Or, if I’d rather start small, my “Couples That Scribble Together Stay Together” workbook is a great way to reconnect without pressure—it’s like a relationship booster in book form.

Final Thoughts: Love Takes Effort, But It’s So Worth It

No relationship is perfect, and disconnection happens to everyone. The key is not to ignore it, but to take small, consistent steps toward each other.

I challenge myself to pick one thing from this list and try it today. My relationship will thank me.